Happier
by just-another-1ove-song
Summary: Lily was happier when she was with James, and Snape was happier when he was with Lily. Snape's POV. LJ Oneshot.


this is really short spur of the moment one shot that I wrote when I was feelin real emotional about jily and snape:)

inspired by "Happier" by Ed Sheeran

* * *

It was the first time Potter had made Lily laugh. Not a hidden giggle or a secretive smile she had hidden from Snape, but a full on laugh. And he hated it, because he had pushed her right into Potter's awaiting arms.

They were joking around, and Lily shoved him playfully with her shoulder as they walked across the courtyard. Potter looked immensely pleased with himself, which made Snape's blood boil. Only a few months had passed since Snape had destroyed his friendship with Lily and ruined everything. _Everything._ With just one word. And he hated himself for it, because she looked happier.

It was nearly Christmas, their 6th year at Hogwarts, and Lily looked happier than he'd seen her in a long time. She smiled effortlessly, grinning up at Potter in a way she'd never looked at Snape before.

Snape clenched his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms. How could he have let this happen? And how could she turn to _Potter,_ of all people? She was always happy when she was with her other friends, McKinnon and McDonald and the disgusting werewolf, but somehow, Potter brought out a different part of her. He made her smile in spite of herself.

It was like driving past an accident. It was so incredibly painful to watch them interact, to watch her laugh at him and see her face light up, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Potter whispered something in her ear, and she laughed. Her laugh was contagious, and soon, he was laughing, too. Their smiles lit up the courtyard. They were both so happy it hurt. How could she possibly laugh at him, knowing what he has done, knowing he had tormented her best friend for years? How could she look so much happier with him then she ever did with Snape?

Potter was obviously overjoyed. He had waited 5 years for this, and Lily Evans was finally giving him the time of day and seeming to actually _enjoy_ it. They were friends now, that much was obvious. But Snape didn't believe they were anything more. He couldn't.

Snape knew he had screwed things up. He knew he hurt Lily and called her something her best friend never should have. But he never stopped loving her. Every second of every day, he loved her. His love tore him apart, clawing at his heart as he watched Lily interact with Potter. She was so beautiful. And more than that, she was so full of life. Her cheeks glowed with happiness; her mouth seemed to be stretched into a permanent smile.

She was happier with Potter. Snape knew he had to accept this, knew he had to let her go, but he also knew he would never stop loving her. He never deserved her, but she was the best thing that ever happened to him.

* * *

It had been over a year since Lily walked out of his life. It was the beginning of 7th year, and everyone was placing bets on when Potter would convince her to go out with him. Snape pretended he didn't hear everyone whispering about them, pretended he didn't see Lily hanging out with Potter's friends more and more, pretended he didn't see how happy she was.

Snape tried to avoid her, but she seemed to be everywhere. Everything he loved reminded him of Lily. She had brought love into his life. Potions was always his favorite class because they would partner up. He never had to walk through the halls alone because Lily was always at his side, defending him. He couldn't even go outside without thinking of her laugh, her smell, her smile. She was everywhere. And yet, she was nowhere near him. He only had himself to blame for pushing her away.

What hurt most was how happy she was. Potter made her happy, there was no denying it. By smiling and affectionately teasing him, she gave him exactly what he wanted. And he would tease her right back, ruffling her hair, casually throwing an arm around her shoulder, brushing her hand, guiding her with his palm at the small of her back, just anything to touch her. He couldn't get enough of her, and it drove Snape mad.

Snape supposed he should at least be grateful that Lily was still resisting him, that she at least wasn't dating him, but a horrible voice in his head whispered that it wouldn't be long before even that changed.

* * *

Snape wasn't invited to the wedding. It shouldn't have mattered, he never would have come anyway. But it made him realize exactly how much had changed. He'd always thought that he'd be at Lily's wedding, but he'd be the one watching her walk down the aisle toward him, giving a special smile that belonged solely to him. Not Potter.

All Snape could think was that it should be _him._ It should be him hugging Lily from behind, wrapping his arm around her waist, playing with her hair as she read.

He should be the one she kissed. He should be the one she smiled at.

Potter looked at her adoringly as if intoxicated by her. He loved her, that much was obvious. But he could live without her. After all, he had for over 5 years. But Snape _needed_ Lily. She was a part of him, the best part of him, and he would never stop loving her, no matter how much happier she looked with Potter.

* * *

Snape never saw the last time Potter made Lily laugh. But he knew it came all too soon. He would have gladly watched her glow in happiness, raising a family and living with Potter by her side, as long as she _lived._ He would have given anything to keep Lily alive.

It was nearly impossible to wrap his brain around the fact that Lily Evans, who was always so full of life, was _dead._ It was so wrong. It should be Potter, not her. Never her.

Snape cried when Lily died. He cried not only for her death, but for her life, because he knew that Potter had been the last person to make her laugh. That even in her last moments, she was happy. Because she was with him.

But Snape would never stop loving her. He would always remember the way she smiled, the way she laughed. He would always remember how much happier she was without him. Always.


End file.
